Under Duress This is where my brain is.

Shower

The droplets fall around me like a million tears, creating translucent beaded curtains in front of my eyes. The warmth of the shower undulates ever so slightly, imperceptible enough that it might just be my imagination. Every so often the reflection of a droplet distorts the world for a fraction of a second, just brief enough to make me wonder if it ever existed.

I cry here, because in a world full of tears, it's hard to tell which ones are mine.

Perceptions

It's hard to step outside of your psyche and view yourself as others do. The things I do usually make sense to me at the time. It doesn't mean they make sense to everyone else. In fact, many actions can be miscontrued entirely by the outside world.

It's hard to remember this, especially in times of emotional significance. It's hard to understand that not only am I being misunderstood by most people most of the time, I am also continually misunderstanding most of the people around me. My judgements  are based on an understanding that has been filtered so many times that it barely resembles it's original form. Context, emotion, awareness, and self-preservation can be very discriminating when it comes to perception.

To a certain extent, relationships are about building connections where these filters lose their efficacy. Some filters are easier to dissolve than others. Some just feed on themselves and take on a life of their own.

Whenever I remember, I try to view myself and the world without filters. To see what exists without the bias of "self". Often I will find that things are not the way I perceive them to be. The filters inevitably return. My hope is that each time I perform this exercise, the filters lose some of their intensity. My hope is that someday I will be able to understand the universe as it is, and not as I perceive it to be.